I'll Be Seeing You
by senoritablack
Summary: Remus comes back from one of his secret missions and Sirius makes pizza from scratch. Featuring wine induced nostalgia, slow dancing to Billie Holiday, and desperate kisses.


When Remus comes back to number 12 Grimmauld Place, it's impossibly dimmer. He's hanging his coat on the rack near the door and softly setting down his tattered suitcase as to not draw any unwanted attention. _Constant Vigilance_, old Mad Eye's voice rings in his head, so he's retrieving his wand and letting it guide him as he walks. Mindful of his footing, having memorized the parts of the floorboards that creak, he could hear Walburga groaning and hissing in her sleep, but no one - not even Kreacher - appears as he makes it down the narrow hall.

He's just at the bottom of the staircase when Sirius comes down in a pair of loosely fitting pajama bottoms. Yawning, he brings his shoulders back and rolls his head forward and to the side, the muscles on his arm flexes with them and his long hair covers his face.

Remus smirks. The fear leaves his body when he hears Sirius curse, and now feeling able to safely unwind, Remus rolls back the sleeves to his button up.

"Long night, Padfoot?" he says, stuffing his wand and hands into his pockets.

"Remus!", says Sirius excitedly. "When did you get in! Are you hungry?"

And even if his eyes are puffy and dark, Sirius asks questions full of energy, galloping down the last steps like a puppy that was left a lone for a day. Actually, if Sirius were to transform, Remus is sure his tail would be wagging.

"What were you doing? No, I reckon you can't tell me that now, can you? I'd hope you'd be ok. I knew you'd be. I'm glad you're ok. I - It's…" Sirius frowns, and while he's frustrated with himself for Merlin knows what - Remus can't help but feel utterly and unquestionably fond.

"It's good to see you, Moony." he finishes, lamely.

Remus, hands still in his pocket, and a crooked smile looks to the floor instead of Sirius.

"It's good -" he starts, but Sirius cuts him off with a hug around the waist, so Remus, unable and unwilling to do anything else, brings his arms around Sirius's shoulders.

"It's good to see you too, Sirius." he whispers.

Niether men know how long they stay hugged up, in an embrace too tight and silence too heavy, but it's Sirius who finally pulls away. He's beaming at Remus, eyes bright with unshed tears, but Remus doesn't ask, nor prod. He only let's Sirius wipe at his eyes and push on his shoulder.

"Common, let's make you something to eat. I'm making p-pizza!" yawns Sirius, walking down the hall and into the kitchen.

"I learned it on that muggle picture box. Charmed it to display whatever number 11 views, but so far it's been nothing but cooking programs. Muggles have some odd dishes, some very bold dishes…something called fast food…" He trails off, interested in the cupboards.

"Anyway, this particular recipe is suppose to be a muggle favorite. Have you ever tried pizza, Remus?"

Remus looks around the old kitchen, palm laying flat on the splintery tabletop.

"Yes, once, but I was a young boy," He clears his throat. "My mother took me to a muggle amusement park. I can't say enjoyed it much since I was expelling it back up right after my first roller coaster." Remus laughs, but even harder when Sirius looks at him as if he grew a few more heads.

"Your rolly-what," he snorts, busying himself by gathering ingredients from all around the room.

"Think, if we could chain ourselves to a branch of the whomping willow, and have it whorl us around for 5 minutes." He chuckled, and in an afterthought added, "'Cept less black eyes and brooked noses."

"Only more sick, then, eh Moony?" Sirius says with a look and grin. "That sounds brilliant actually, way more exciting than my old motor bike! I underestimate muggles."

"Yes, but once was enough for me."

Sirius doesn't respond. He is meticulously pouring water, flour, yeast and olive oil into a large mixing bowl. And just after he gives the innards a stir, he pushes it and the wooden spoon towards Remus.

"I'm no cook, you know this. This is possibly very dangerous." Remus says amused, but Sirius waves him off.

"It's hardly cooking. It's stirring. Wand work, all in the wrist and all that." Sirius replied, opening a hidden door behind a particularly crude tapestry. "Go on, Moony, someone has to get the nettle wine from the cellar."

And even if it wasn't a minute that Sirius had been gone, Remus and the table are covered with flour when he returns.

"You're hopeless. Here let me show you, " Sirius says as he puts the wine bottle down and slips behind the other man.

"Here, hold the bowl closer to you if you have to." Sirius, oblivious to their closeness, has his front pressed along Remus' back, and Remus tries to will away the shivers in his hands as Sirius places his own over them and guides the new movements.

"So we're holding the bowl, here, with this hand and stirring this in big, round motions with the other," Sirius whispers, close to Remus' ear. "We're making sure we're slow at first as to not let anything get out of the bowl, see, helping all the ingredients better emulsify."

Remus chuckles and he could feel Sirius give a hiccough of a laugh more than hear him.

"You've really been watching too much television." Remus says, turning his head so he could look Sirius in the face.

"Helping all the ingredients better _emulsify_" Remus mocks, lowering his voice a peg. Sirius, always being a little shorter than him falls back on heels he had lifted to been at hight with Remus and huffs.

"You wound me, Moony. My heart's agape because you don't believe in my vast vocabulary." Sirius brings the bowl away from Remus, and his stirs slow with resistance as the dough starts to form.

"I don't have to believe anything, Sirius, I _know_ you've never used the word emulsify."

Sirius stops his stirring and points the wooden spoon in Remus' direction.

"I'm going to ignore that and give you a chance to salvage this relationship. Go open the wine, you sod." And then he's sprinkling flour on the space next the bowl and nearly throwing the ball of dough into.

After Remus pours a glass for them both, he leans into the table, watching Sirius in silence. Remus can't say he's shocked, not really, at the skill and ease with which Sirius is handling the dough. Contrary to his usual disregard for any sort of rule, Sirius personal cleanliness has always been something Remus admired and has been confused by. Maybe its the house, he thinks. Maybe proper was pushed into him and every joke, every prank was Sirius' only way of getting rid of it. But maybe some of it had stuck.

But then, taking another drink of wine, and looking to his glass that is surprisingly low, maybe he's over thinking and it's the wine.

Sirius, covering the dough with a towel, is near the half mark on his glass and takes a swing, finally noticing Remus staring.

"What?" Sirius says around his glass, lifting his head back for more.

"Nothing, I just nostalgic is all." Remus sighs.

"Remember third year in the forbidden forest? You and James ate all those Moissenberries, or at least what you though were Moissenberries and " Remus pauses to chuckle.

Sirius places his hands an the counter and drops his head between his shoulders with a laugh.

"And we had welts all over our faces and bodies for a week. Poor Madame Pomfrey, we gave her the grays single handily, you know!"

"She had beds in hospital wing just for us! " Remus added.

"What was it she used to say, Moony? She'd always say…" Sirius looks to him waving his hand in the air as if it'll guide the words back to him and finishes off his glass of wine.

"I'll be surprised if any of you live long enough to make it to seventh year! What's in those heads of yours…" Remus said in an exaggerated female voice, taking down the last of his own glass.

"PUMPKIN JUICE?" they both say together, high pitched and slightly manic.

Laughing, Remus turns to an old radio sitting on a dusty window sill. "This work?" he asks, his shoulder still shaking in silent stitches.

Sirius nods, still sniggering too, chopping up tomato and other vegetables before throwing them into a bowling bot over the hearth. Remus flicks the dial and the piano is soft. The woman's voice, melancholy and longing, stirs something new in him.

_I'll be seeing you_

_in all the old familiar places_

"Love this tune, " Sirius smiles, casting a quick cleansing spell after the last of the vegetables are in the pot, and meeting Remus by the window.

"Dance with me," he asks, taking both their empty glasses and setting them on the table.

_that this heart of mine embraces_

_all day through_

Sirius drapes his arms around Remus' neck and pulls him close, swaying them to and from. Remus is scared and for a second, just as Sirius' hands caress the back of his neck, fingers playing with the hair there, he wishes he could lie to himself. He wishes he could just be angry or some other feeling all together, and knows if he could will himself to be mad at all the old feelings inside of him that were threatening to spill out, he would. He sighs. Inopportune as theses feelings are, here in Sirius embrace, tipsy and swaying to some muggle standard, Remus feels happier than he has in years.

_In that small cafe_

_the park across the way_

He doesn't know he's crying until Sirius shakes him out of his reverie.

"What's wrong?" he's looking at him and Remus, watery-eyed and embarrassed reaches to wipe away his tears, but Sirius beats him to it.

_the children's carousel_

_the chestnut trees_

_the wishing well_

"Remus, please. What's going on, mate? Something happened on the trip?" Sirius asks, wiping furiously at Remus face.

Remus lift his head from where its hung, and looks through eyelashes heavy with tears.

_I'll be seeing you_

_in every lovely summer's day_

"I miss you." he says pathetically. And he feels like a child again, alone and friendless on that train ride to some far away school.

"I miss you too, Remus, you must know that? Don't you go and waste tears on me. I'm right here." He says, slipping a hand around Remus neck and thumbing his adam's apple. "Not going anywhere. Remus look at me."

_in everything that's light and gay_

_i'll always think of you that way_

And when Remus does, he figures he's gone all splotchy and unattractive with snot, but it doesn't stop Sirius from leaning in to capture Remus lips with his.

_I'll find you in the morning sun_

_and when the night is new_

"You were all I had sometimes, Remus." Sirius says between needy kisses. "When I wasn't praying for Harry's safety, Remus, I was wishing for your forgiveness."

He traps Remus against a wall and they're close in body, and Remus digs into Sirius' hair like he'd float away if he didn't hold on tight enough.

"Looking to the full moon from Azkaban, Remus, sometimes I wish I'd die there just get word of you being ok."

_i'll be looking at the moon_

_but 'ill be seeing you._

"I should of known you never betray Lily and James, " Remus says before a moan, Sirius kissing along his jaw. "I should of known you'd never betray me. I'm a such a fool." Remus says, grabbing Sirius by the face and kissing him hard on the mouth, before bringing Sirius's hands and kissing each knuckle.

"I'm a fool," he repeats, kissing Sirius like an apology.

"I'm a fool" like a tantrum.

"I'm a fool." like he'll never again have another chance to.

"If you're a fool, then I was." Sirius stops Remus mid kiss. "I didn't trust you either. And I should have, Moons. I should have because you were something close to my world and I'm so sorry, Moony, babe. Can't we just…" He murmurs, mouthing Remus' neck and pushing him into the wall closest to them.

_I'll bee seeing you_

_in every lovely summer's day_

"What? Pick up where we left off? W-we aren't children anymore S-sirius, we c-can't keep living in the past!"

Remus shoves him off, panting and swiping furiously at his new tears.

"I don't want the past, then. Remus," Sirius is out of breath too, as he sets himself close again and rest his forehead on Remus'. "I just want you."

_in everything that's light and gay_

_i'll always thing of you that way_

"I love you, Moony, and I don't know what'll happen. But you're right, we can't let live off memories forever, so just be with me right now?" Sirius cries and kisses Remus again.

Remus feels as if the floor has been swept from him, like he'd fall thru it if Sirius wasn't holding him upright and close. He allows himself to feel what he had spent numerous hours in study, in loveless sex, in bottles of hard liquors trying to avoid - Remus allows himself to mourn for his younger life and the death his friends, for all the wrong in the world and how cruel it is to have once again found love during a war.

_I'l find you you in the morning sun_

_and when the night is new_

"And If something happens to one of us?" he breathes.

"Eventually, " and it's as if Sirius sensed that Remus was tired of being the logical one, taking their hands and entwining their fingers, "something might."

_i'll be looking at the moon_

_but i'll be seeing you_

"But us, Remus, even in the limited time we may or may not have. Isn't that worth it?"

Remus kisses Sirius and they fall to the floor in a tangle of limbs and Remus writes _I love you_ into Sirius palm with a finger.

"It is."


End file.
